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at the end of my rope...

29K views 189 replies 52 participants last post by  Suzi 
#1 ·
... hey guys.
It's been a rough couple of months for us with Tillie and her health.
She has developed this horrible trembling that happens frequently, we can no longer take her in the car, she is a nervous WRECK in the car. and now she has started trembling at all other times of the day as well. I have taken her to the vet, he can't find anything wrong. She had the infection/crystals in her urine about 2 months ago... Honestly, she is stressing me out so much.
She isn't the same dog. I don't know what is going on.
I have been thinking and I thought maybe she just needs more one on one time, more attention as I have been busier than usual recently. So, over the past fews days I have been making a huge point of playing games, training, playing fetch, etc. I thought maybe it was helping as she has seemed happier today... Well, tonight, she pee'd on my sons bed. She hasn't done that since her infection. My husband is IRATE. insists it is behavioral and because she had an infection when we got her pet insurance, it won't cover any urinary issues. We can't afford another vet bill, he says business as 'usual' and that we have plans and that she can't interfere with our plans.
I fear if things aren't resolved soon, he may make me rehome her.
I can't believe I am even confessing all of this. Tillie has always been my light, my companion, our joy... and something is wrong. I have been saying it for weeks and weeks and no one will listen to me. The kids insist they hate her .... she has become fearful and aggressive. I KNOW she has to be in pain, something is seriously wrong, yet nothing can be found ... I haven't wanted to come here and tell you all what has been happening because I feel like I have failed. I have failed Tillie, I have failed myself and my kids.
I just don't know what to do. There is something wrong, I know it. For her to pee on the bed again tonight. I know she has an infection or the crystals are back ... she is trying to TELL me something. I want to take her to the vet tomorrow, but we have out of town plans and because of her recent fear of the car we can't take her with us, so a friend is going to come over mid day to let her out and play with her for a bit, but how can I leave her knowing there is something wrong and that she needs to go to the vet.. and then we run into Christmas.... my husband insists that we have plans and that Tillie isn't going to change those plans and that we can't afford another vet bill.
I don't know why I am telling you all this, I guess I just needed to vent to those that I know understand my heartbreak and frustration. I just don't know what to do and I miss my little girl so much... I haven't seen her smile in months....
 
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#2 ·
Tammy, So sorry to hear that Tillie is not herself, IF you can take her in to see yoru vet you might ask him/her about the possibility of
Generalized Tremor Syndrome (GTS). GTS is also called steroid responsive tremor syndrome or white shaker dog syndrome. First noticed in small, white dogs such as Maltese and West Highland white terriers, it can occur in dogs of any size, breed, or color. No one knows what causes GTS.
GTS symptoms usually start between 9 months and 2 years of age. Treatment generally consists of corticosteroids like prednisone. Results can often be seen within a week of starting treatment.

Please keep us informed how things go. I hope your husband comes around to see the fact that something is going on, and just like if it were one of his children Tillie too needs to be looked after.
 
#3 ·
((((((((Hugs))))))))) If we are going out of town, the boys are coming with me. If they can' t come then it will be short trip no longer than 3 days and I will be calling to find out if they are eating. My boys are my love, lifeline. Hang in there, give Tilly lots of attention, she maybe picking up the stress and the business due to the holidays. Have you tried the thunder jacket?
 
#4 ·
hope you figure it out. Dogs can get anxiety disorders and even depression just like humans. My friends' german shepherd was on prozac and it really helped! Expensive though.

Are there any vet schools in your area that might be cheaper than a regular vet and might do a more thorough workup? What about an animal trainer/behaviourist? Even a trusted experienced dog person like a trainer but be able to give you some help/advice that might be cheaper than the vet.

Christmas is a stressful time for animals; new sights and sounds in the house, people, decorated trees in the house, change of routine, etc. She might just be feeling the stress of the family.

Another thing to try is more exercise. A tired dog is less likely to get anxious, stressed, aggressive, etc. I nice walk every morning might be good for both of you and good bonding time as well. Sounds like you're pretty stressed out as well.

Hope Tillie doesn't have anything serious and settles down.
 
#25 ·
hope you figure it out. Dogs can get anxiety disorders and even depression just like humans. My friends' german shepherd was on prozac and it really helped! Expensive though.

Are there any vet schools in your area that might be cheaper than a regular vet and might do a more thorough workup? What about an animal trainer/behaviourist? Even a trusted experienced dog person like a trainer but be able to give you some help/advice that might be cheaper than the vet.

Christmas is a stressful time for animals; new sights and sounds in the house, people, decorated trees in the house, change of routine, etc. She might just be feeling the stress of the family.

Another thing to try is more exercise. A tired dog is less likely to get anxious, stressed, aggressive, etc. I nice walk every morning might be good for both of you and good bonding time as well. Sounds like you're pretty stressed out as well.

Hope Tillie doesn't have anything serious and settles down.
Oh so Right! A tired dog is a good dog! :)
 
#5 ·
I feel so horrlbly sick about what you just told us about Tillie.. I know how upset you are hon because I would feel exactly the same way if Whimsy were sick like this. They are like our children! The worst part is that your husband is being so cold about it. I would stay home,take her to the vet and ignore what your DH says. She needs help and you are the only one who can give it to her.( I know it is easy for me to say ignore your husband, but I have been married for 45 years and I would re-home him over Whimsy in a heartbeat:)) I will be thinking about you and Tillie and hope that you can get things resolved!
 
#15 ·
I feel so horrlbly sick about what you just told us about Tillie.. I know how upset you are hon because I would feel exactly the same way if Whimsy were sick like this. They are like our children! The worst part is that your husband is being so cold about it. I would stay home,take her to the vet and ignore what your DH says. She needs help and you are the only one who can give it to her.( I know it is easy for me to say ignore your husband, but I have been married for 45 years and I would re-home him over Whimsy in a heartbeat:)) I will be thinking about you and Tillie and hope that you can get things resolved![/QUOT

I so agree!
 
#6 ·
Ohh Tammy, first of all, receive a BIG hug from me. I know exactly how you feel. It must be so difficult to deal with this problem without your DH support. But Tillie is your baby too and you need to do what you think in your heart you should do for her. I hope you find a way to make him understand how important she is for you. Hang in there, try to relax a bit as she might be feeling your anxiety too. We are here for you !!!!
 
#9 ·
I'm so sorry Tammy and I think you are right and something is wrong. You know her best and should follow your instincts.

I am pretty sure someone on the forum was having issues with their dog, it may have been a year or more ago but this sounds very familiar. Heathers post reminded me of it. Please search the forum for white dog syndrome or white shaker syndrome and read that thread, it may help you.

Hugs to you and Tillie and praying it's nothing serious.
 
#10 ·
Just on the off chance - in the previous testing, did you have her thyroid and bile acid tests done? And have you had her tested for Addison's disease? I would think that YOU know your dog better than anyone - and if you believe something is wrong, something is wrong. The only question is what.

I'm so sorry you are going through this....
 
#11 ·
Oh, Tammy. I feel so bad. And you have NOT failed!!! You are one of the best, most conscientious dog owners i know! Whatever happens, it is NOT your fault!!!

I wouldn't let my husband bully me into not attending to my animal's needs, but I also know that's hard to do. (like Evelyn, I've had a lot more years to practice standing up for myself!:)). And the timing COULDN'T be worse, but that tends to be the case with these things, whether it's kids or animals. I've spent holidays in cold barns with colicking horses and mares having trouble foaling.:)

That said, I DON'T think Tillies's problem is acute, and it's going to take some time to sort out. Could you call your regular vet, explain the symptoms (just like last time) and ask if, under the circumstances, you could pick up another round of antibiotics (or whatever she was on before) to get her started on.

Then, after Christmas, I'd see if I could find a good holistic vet in the area, who can look at the WHOLE picture. If that person is experienced with Havanese, so much the better. I'd also ask that vet if they have a trainer they could recommend who cna also look at the whole situation and help figure it out.

The problem is that whether the root cause is physical or behavioral, there are serious behavioral aspects to it at the moment. And sometimes things that start out as physical problems can become ingrained behaioral problems unless they are approached from both angles. Certainly, I wouldn't let her NEAR the bedrooms without close supervision for a long, LONG time at this point. (I'm talking months to a year, here... You've really got to TOTALLY prevent that behavior, and let her start building positive experiences again.

Another resource that I haven't heard you mention is Tillie's breeder. Have you contacted her? Breeders know the dogs in their lines. She might know of another dog that developed similar problems, or be able to give you some insight into how best to approach the problem.

In any case, you ar NOT a bad person, and Tillie is NOT a bad dog. You need to remind DH that Tillie is a member of the family, and her needs have to be considered too. Just as it is expensive to buy a nice dog, there are also expenses (often completely unforeseen) that can come up once you have an animal. He needs to understand that, and at least not get in your way when you are trying so hard to figure out a solution.
 
#12 ·
Tammy - please don't think you have failed with Tillie - we all here know that is not the case.

I wish I was closer so I could help you out during this time - is there anyone you can rely on to give Tillie lots of attention / care while you are out of town....I know how stressful everything seems right now - and I do believe if you think something is wrong you know best....please try and be strong - it will work itself out

Big hugs


Jemma and Max
 
#13 ·
Your dilemma with Tillie, DH and the kids brought tears to my eyes. You have definitely NOT failed. We all know what a great Mom you've been to Tillie and always done what's best for her. I have no advice for you other than to go with your gut instincts, as you know her best, and if she doesn't seem right to you, she probably isn't. I hope and pray that all goes well for you and Tillie. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you. Glad you vented to us. You need someplace to turn right now without the support of your family. We're all thinking of you.
 
#14 ·
OMG. Tammy I am so sorry to hear this. You must be beside yourself. I know how much you love Tillie. It seems like there must be something going on. How could she change so quickly? It seems to me like she is shaking out of pain. I wonder if you would consider trying another vet?
I hope you get this resolved. It would be a shame for you to have to rehome her. Whatever happens we support you though. I know Tillie was never neglected! You are a great furmom:)
 
#16 ·
So sorry about all of this! It does sound like something urinary is going on. Marlowe had an accident for the first time in years while laying on the couch. UTI with antibiotics cleared him up, but the vet said I could just bring a urine sample (catch some with tupperware) if it happens again rather than the whole ordeal of bringing Marlowe to the vet. Perhaps you could do something similar? Just having them run a urine sample and give you antibiotics would be less expensive than having a vet exam as well - at least the way my vet charges. It might be worth the expense of having them culture the urine because the bug she has may be resistant to the standard antibiotics and she needs different ones. I'm certain everything started because Tillie isn't feeling well and not anything you did. The only time Marlowe has ever snapped or had an accident (after puppyhood) was while being sick.

I'd throw in the argument with the husband that you're not going to be good company knowing your kid is sick and you're not doing anything about it. It'll be better for all involved if you did what you could to get Tillie better (ie take her to the vet) than worry, doing nothing until after Christmas.
 
#17 ·
After reading other members responses two or three really make sense to me. First Karens idea of the vet giving another round of antibiotics wouldn't cost very much. Did you ever have a follow up to really know the infection was gone? My sisters dog had to go on three rounds before she got better. I know Augie didn't get better the first round. Can you try a sedative for the car ride and take her with you? I have friends who give their dogs something like benadryl ( not positive that's what they give. I can call and find out the dose if you want.
I can remember you telling us your son got bit by her or something like that. Do you think maybe the problem could be how he treats her? I'm just trying to think not blame. In my heart I would have a problem not addressing her needs by first getting more antibiotics then taking her with you so you can monitor her needs better.
I know what its like to be having financial problems and only having enough to house and feed yourself. Please don't even think about being a failer you are by far someone I look at as being so not that! Your Husband is obviously stressed. Take a deep breath call the vet about the antibiotics try to take her with you and enjoy Christmas.:grouphug:
PS DO NOT FEEL MONEY IS AN ISSUE I KNOW PEOPLE HERE WOULD HELP IF YOU NEED MORE. I would send you enough to find out if I had it.:(
 
#18 ·
thanks for all the comments and encourgement... I really need it.

My husband is certain it is a behavioral issue ... I am certain it is a physical issue. There doesn't seem to be any middle ground.

I am with her, so far today no shaking, no odd behavior... staying home with her.
My plan is to take her to the vet on Monday when he is at work. and charge it. lol
Unless of course something goes horribly bad between now and then.
please pray for Tillie and for all of us. I was crying into the wee hours last night. I miss my girl so much... so very much. And to not have the support and love of my family is tearing me apart. AND to see how cold and unfeeling they have become towards Tillie breaks my heart. I keep telling them pushing her away and ignoring her is NOT going to help. SHe needs to know we love her unconditionally... it's like there is something wrong so they don't want her anymore, I can not understand how we have gone all this time and now they are reacting this way. I know they love her deep down, but I think they are just as tired as I am of these behaviors and miss our old Tillie, they don't know how to express that, I think. sigh.
I am loving her with everything, hoping she knows we love her and will take care of her ...
Oh and I am totally okay with seeing another vet, I'm looking around for one now, the one I see now is a natural kind of holistic vet. Maybe she needs a more in depth medicinal dr.?
thank you again. so thankful I can come here and have friends who truly understand.
 
#21 ·
No advice to give, but just want to send you positive thoughts and lets you know I'm thinking of you and feel for your situation. You definitely aren't a failure.
 
#22 ·
Tammy, I am so sorry and sad to read of your predicament and that Tillie isn't doing well. I agree with your plan of getting Tillie checked again. In my old age :), I have learned to listen to my gut and I feel, as a rule, that women have a stronger instinctual sense than men when something is wrong with the ones we love. So, if you feel Tillie has a physical problem, I would definitely pursue getting her checked to rule that out, even if it means sneaking her to the vet. I would also use this as a teaching opportunity for your children, and maybe your husband too. That as a member of the family, Tillie deserves love, understanding and empathy - not only when things are hunky dory, but in the bad times too. After all, I am sure you have shown your children love and understanding when they are sick or their behavior isn't stellar. Tillie depends on you all to care for her, even more so when she is sick or something is wrong. She has no one else. And especially since Tillie hasn't always been like this. Ask your children to put themselves in her place and think about how would they want their family to treat them if it was them instead of Tillie who wasn't feeling well.

We are again treating Augie for urinary tract infection - no crystals this time. He started peeing on my throw rug that is in front of the front door. I noticed he was also more quiet. Subtle things that my husband did not pick up on. He was that way with the kids too. I have relied on my gut a lot over the years - and most times, I am on target.

I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you are able to get to the bottom of the problem and that we hear better news soon. :hug:
 
#23 ·
I am so sorry. Buzzy gets nervous a LOT- especially in the car. We have a prescription for Xanax that we give him before car rides, and that helps a LOT. Lately he has been nervous with a lot of people in our house (Hanukkah, Holiday Party, etc) but once everyone leaves he is fine. If he ever made in the house I would know it is a UTI and call the vet- they know us by now and I don't have to bring him in anymore- I just go and pick up the meds. Maybe call them and tell them you suspect she needs antibiotics because of her unusual behavior and then you won't have to bring her in for testing. Buzzy also shakes when he is sick and behaves strangely too...
 
#24 ·
Tammy, So sorry to hear this. Nearly all professional trainers or behavioral experts will tell you that the first line of attack when things appear somewhat suddenly, is to look at physical issues. I think that is where you need to start. If your vet hasn't done a full panel of blood tests ,that would be the next best thing to do. I would definitely include thyroid test in this. Hope you can get the others to help , this affects them if it affects you. You do what you've got to do. This is obviously hugely important to you. Hugs Dave
 
#27 ·
Tammy, this has brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. I am wondering if there are a few things going on here. She may very well be in pain and thus the trembling. UTI's feel awful. You mentioned that everyone is treating her differently-pushing her away and being cold towards her. That could be causing her to be fearful. I hope this gets resolved and please keep us updated. We are here to support you!
 
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