Havanese Forum banner

Looking for advise : DW not used/little scared of dogs

2K views 28 replies 11 participants last post by  Ella's new mom 
#1 ·
Long story short, I LOVE dogs and cats and so do my 9 yr daughter, but my DW never had a pet in her family or close relatives/friends. As a result while she likes an idea of a dog, she is also scared specially by their active movements. As I mentioned in other threads she is okay to get a dog with a hope that she will get acustomed to it.

As I mentioned on my other thread, wee are planning to get a Havanese pup in next few months (based on when I find a good breeder/pup) but I am bit worried how she will cope up. So looking for some advise if anyone has experience/ideas on how to handle the situation :|
 
#2 ·
Before getting your own dog I think she needs to start spending some time with people you know that have dogs. You don't want to get in a situation where you have to rehome your puppy because she is too anxious around it. The dog will also pick up on her anxiety. She needs to see if she is ok with being approached by a dog, licked by a dog, have a little dog jump up on her leg or lap. She may also be alone with the dog at times and need to put a leash on it and take it out. Personally, I wouldn't bring a dog into my home if it was going to scare someone. See if she can become more comfortable with dogs in general first. Good luck.
 
#3 ·
I know what you mean and trust me we would not have thought of bringing in a pup if she was that scared. She likes and really want to cuddle and play with dog but is relatively scared. So I am convincing myself that its a catch 22 viz unless she is used to dog don't get a dog, don't get a dog she won't be used to dog and she will eventually love the experience. But I really need some reality check feedback like yours to evaluate if my approach is worth it
 
#5 ·
I tend to agree with Krandall about getting a mild-mannered adult dog would be wisest, but there are advantages to getting a puppy too. There is an old saying about cats that says something like 'no one ever decided they wanted a cat, but many have been smitten by a kitten'. Puppies are cute, and Havanese puppies are the cutest of the cute. While getting an adult dog may be wisest, getting a cute little ball of fluff may be a faster way to steal her heart!

One way to ease her fear is to have her read up on dog behavior. When your wife understands how dogs think, she will be better able to control one, and we are less afraid of creatures we can control. It's a very rewarding feeling to say, "lay down" and have a dog comply; plus, it's a great bonding experience to train a dog, whether simple tricks like 'shake hands' or formal obedience maneuvers like 'heel'.

Another thing to remember is that if you use an ex-pen to contain him in the house (which I strongly suggest), the puppy will have his own little territory and you will have yours. It's like a playpen for a baby: you will control everything he has and everywhere he goes (and this will continue for several months until he is a dependable member of the household). You will take him out of it for short periods several times a day, when you'll be focused on him so he can't get into too much trouble. That kind of control is not only good for your wife's stress level, it's good for the puppy too. There are many reasons why which you can read about when you read up on doggie behavior!

Good luck! I really hope you guys can work it out because I'm a big believer that dogs make people's lives richer and better. Here's an article that was recommended to me once: How the Dog Became the Master - The New Yorker
 
#6 ·
The only problem with this is that Havanese puppies, when they first come home are SO adorable, and often quite quiet and biddable. I'm afraid when it started to become an adolescent, and push the boundaries, she might find that new, pushier, wilder behavior (which with MANY puppies includes some nipping or at least mouthing) frightening. If she acts that way, the puppy is likely to get pushier, and it can become a vicious circle.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Pucks104
#7 ·
Tweety, is there a dog training class - "kids & dogs" nearby at all? This would be a great class to take now even though you don't have a dog. The other thought is hire a certified dog trainer that is willing to work with you and your daughter now with her own dog - or just sign up for a puppies training class. Even though you don't have a dog - this may be well worth the time and money now - to have your daughter interact within a controlled environment. It would be important, I think, to have your daughter get accustomed and exposed now as opposed to later when you get the dog. Otherwise, the concern is there'll be anxiety, etc. in the home while you're trying to create a strong bond/relationship with the dog. And I agree with Krandall - puppies, then adolescent - the relationship could go south and end up in a vicious, frustrating cycle for the whole household. Just thoughts - best of luck.
 
#10 ·
Puppies can be overwhelming, even for the most experienced dog owners. Puppies are a tremendous amount of work. They are not appropriate for a person who is apprehensive about dogs.

I am going to agree that a young adult is going to be the best choice for Tweety. This would be a dog about 3 years old or more. The dog will be house broken, personality will be established and recognized, and size will be determined. Many breeders will have adults that are no longer viable for their breeding stock for one reason or another. A good breeder will sell you the dog with a contract stating they will take the dog back within a specified period of time if the relocation doesn't work out.

Tweety, you will know whether your wife can adapt or not after about a month with a dog in your home. If it doesn't work out, the dog goes back to the breeder and you will get your money back. There will always be a waiting list for these kinds of dogs, so the dog will find a good home if not yours.

Ricky's Popi
 
#12 · (Edited)
Thank you. I am also searching for an young adult, but my heart goes to puppy. For me, there is something magical 0:) in growing a puppy from a baby to an adult.
As you suggested, I am banking on a bredder who is ready to take puppy back in case things do not work out. I hope we will not land up there, but if that were things go, then at least there will be assurance that puppy will go to a good home.
Puppies can be overwhelming, even for the most experienced dog owners. Puppies are a tremendous amount of work. They are not appropriate for a person who is apprehensive about dogs.

I am going to agree that a young adult is going to be the best choice for Tweety. This would be a dog about 3 years old or more. The dog will be house broken, personality will be established and recognized, and size will be determined. Many breeders will have adults that are no longer viable for their breeding stock for one reason or another. A good breeder will sell you the dog with a contract stating they will take the dog back within a specified period of time if the relocation doesn't work out.

Tweety, you will know whether your wife can adapt or not after about a month with a dog in your home. If it doesn't work out, the dog goes back to the breeder and you will get your money back. There will always be a waiting list for these kinds of dogs, so the dog will find a good home if not yours.

Ricky's Popi
 
#11 ·
I would not recommend getting a dog at all unless you know your wife will be comfortable with one. However you find this out is up to you. We should not be getting a dog for a month on a trial basis old or new.
 
#13 ·
Of course! I don't think Rick suggested to get a dog as a trial. At least the way I took it as a worst case scenario situation just in case things don't work out.
Challenge for me, is how do you make one comfortable who has never been around dogs.
 
#14 ·
it comes down to spending time around them. And I don't mean a few hours. Be creative. :smile2:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tweety
#16 ·
I'll fully admit when I first got Lola, I went through a period of a few weeks where I actually overwhelmed and depressed. I was a OMG what did I do feeling. I hadn't yet bonded with my puppy, she seemed uninterested in me, and was just a eating, peeing, pooping, chewing, trouble-making machine. I didn't experience this with my first dog, who was older when I got him. I would get another Havanese puppy in a heart beat, and am sooooo glad I got her young, especially because I could start with good behavior training and socialization early, but your wife needs to know what to expect.
 
#18 · (Edited)
I THOUGHT I was TOTALLY prepared for a puppy when I got Kodi, and I was head over heels in love with him from first sight. When I visited the Kings, both Pam and I had kind of thought I would be getting a different puppy. But as I sat on the floor, every time I looked down, the puppy sitting in my lap was Kodi. We bonded on sight. There was no question which puppy was mine. :) Even so, I would be lying if I didn't admit to a NUMBER of "WHAT have I DONE?!?!" moments during the first few weeks. :laugh:
 
#23 ·
I don't disagree with most of what you have said, Popi. And I CERTAINLY understand your situation when you got Ricky... It was exactly the same as mine (except in reverse... Dave was the one who didn't want a dog... and Kodi was much better trained, even though he was much younger!) Dave had had a number of very bad experiences with (large, not-controlled) dogs in his youth, first watching as two neighbor GSD's tore his beloved cat to pieces in front of him, then working as a mailman during college, at a time when it was still common to leave dogs roaming, unattended all day long. He was "treed" on top of his truck by big, mean, dogs, too many times. He was SURE that if we brought a dog into the house, it would hurt our cat, Snowbelle, even though I explained that the dog would never be much bigger than the cat, and the cat had much nastier "weapons" than the puppy would! :)

That was one reason I fell for Kodi, rather than taking the other puppy, that Pam thought would be a better performance prospect. (though we all know how Kodi has done on that front! ;) ) Pam and I had talked over Dave's reluctance to get a dog, and she knew that _I_ was 100% committed to making it work, just as you were. And like you, I did EVERYTHING I could to smooth the transition. Dave had absolutely NO responsibility for the puppy in the beginning. I got up with him every, single, time it was needed. I walked him every day, usually without Dave. If I had to be away on business, even over the weekend when Dave would be home, I found in-home boarding with a trainer friend for Kodi rather than ask Dave to take care of him. The list went on. I would have happily continued to do ALL of that indefinitely, if Dave hadn't warmed up to him. Fortunately, Dave found that his fears were groundless. The cat quickly trounced Kodi as a puppy, and that was the end of THAT! Kodi was relentlessly friendly and cheerful with everyone, including Dave, and never once bit the mailman. ;) Pretty soon, I saw Dave ASKING to learn how to feed him, walk him, etc.

I DON'T know whether things would have gone as smoothly with the other, drivier, more independent puppy. In the long run, I STILL would have made it work, but Kodi's charm, like Ricky's definitely helped. Those dogs will melt ANYONE'S heart! BUT, while this is the ideal Havanese temperament, MANY fall short of the ideal, and require a lot more work in terms of socialization. And if you get a puppy, you don't always know, for sure, what temperament they will have until MUCH later. All puppies are adorable, fluffy and cute.

My disagreement was not with anything you said. It was with the OP's comment about the safety net of giving the dog back. I specifically stated in my post that we all know things can happen. Family circumstances change, a family member can get dreadfully ill or even die. Financial circumstance can lead to HAVING to choose between an apartment that doesn't allow pets or having the family be homeless. BUT I STILL think NO ONE should go into dog ownership, and especially young puppy ownership with the idea that, "If it doesn't work out, we can send it back". You were committed in spite of a luke-cold wife, I was committed in spite of a luke-cold husband. I would just like to hear that kind of commitment from the OP, and that INCLUDES doing the work to get his wife ready for this endeavor. (and, quite frankly, it ALSO depends on whether the OP is home during the day to deal with the puppy. If not, even if the wife is a SAH mom, he should strongly consider a back-up plan for day care if the wife can't handle the puppy while he's not home. I know he has a daughter, but no one should count on a child for reliable animal care.

Bottom line is, IMO, the OP's INTENT should be 100% commitment to a dog or puppy that he brings into the house, and since he has a wife who is not keen on the idea, he has to look at care arrangements as if he is a sole care provider for this puppy. HOPEFULLY the wife will become as smitten with the pup as Dave and your wife have become with our dog(s). (who would have guessed we'd go from "the dog hater" to this? :) )
 

Attachments

#24 ·
well said again Karen. No one has said that a dog should never be returned for any circumstance. But one should never get a dog with the thought that I'll return it if things don't work. It should be treated the same as the decision to have a child.
 
  • Like
Reactions: GlenK and Pucks104
#27 ·
Thank you for all the valuable feedback. Some of recent posts wondered beyond my personal situation and feedback question and went more generic turning into discussions about principles about dog's value in itself and wrt to human. Very interesting and insightful posts.

Just to give an update to everyone, we went to meet puppies from AKC Breeder on Saturday, my DW was smitten by one seemingly quiet mannered puppy. While she was uncomfortable with other hyper active pups jumping around, she was pretty comfortable with this one little girl. That interaction made me feel like half battle won as my DW is now wholeheartedly "in". Most importantly that experience has made her "want" puppy and she really wants to work on her fear factor. Yay!

I have confirmed the same puppy and we will be bringing her home on 28th Jan. We all are very excited and have already started the count down.

Thanks to all once again, this thread and all other information I gathered on this forum have been very helpful to come to this point.
 
#28 ·
Congratulations! Just make sure that she understands that eve that quiet puppy will have her wild, "bad puppy" moments! :) Hopefully, by then , she will love her so much it won't matter! :)
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tweety
#29 ·
I was the one to want Ella from the begining.... I needed a comforter as we move into empty nesting. However, I was also afraid of dogs from a bad experience when I was a little girl. I was bit when I was four and it required stitches. Ella was calm and very tiny when I first saw her. She was calm cuddly and sleepy for her first week home. Then she got comfortable and came out of her shell. She would come in the door zoom in and turn around and bark at me in the mudroom. She wanted to play and I knew it, but it still felt scary. I taught her to redirect that behavior so that when she came in she always let me go first. She always let's me come in the house first now. I was afraid of her zoomie times too. Now, she is only 5 1/2 months but I now find her zoomies entertaining and funny. I'm not afraid of her barks anymore. In fact I've taught her "talk soft" and "talk loud" as a trick..... very cute! Ella is my first dog, I did go into it with a thought of "if it doesn't work out....." I hate to admit that but it's true. Now I'm completely enamored of her. I truly think it can work out for your wife as well! Best wishes!
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top