Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: North Carolina
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Photo Submissions 13 Times in 13 Posts
Update on Boo Boo and thoughts on good byes
I have not been on the forum much or the internet in general for about 3 weeks, sometimes I have got to peek in for a few minutes to catch up. The forum is something I do for me, a small thing that brings me a lot of pleasure. To be able to sit comfortably at home or be in some other city in the world and still connect with Havanese, and pet people at least half as crazy is beyond cool. So many shared joys, achievements, sorrows, milestones in our lives and always our happy little clowns ever ready to participate, to be our audience, or distract us from our worries or sorrows with their playful antics, cute faces and oft wagging tails.
I use to think as a writer I was not good at the middle, the beginnings and the ends I do well, I now know it is the endings I have trouble with or perhaps it’s the concept of good bye. I was always the kid that wanted to know what happened to Cinderella after she married the prince. What was her life like? What does happily ever after mean? Even as an adult with many life experiences I still have trouble letting go and accepting the final good by. Some may remember in Feb. I wrote about my Lhasa boy’s diagnosis of Dilated Cardiomyopathy he has been managed medically with good results until three weeks ago, he went into renal failure due to over management of his heart. Boo Boo’s aging kidneys could not maintain the load his medications were creating. After stopping all meds except the Enacard putting him on Hills k/d he was boarded at the vet for five days things improved. On Sat. night Boo Boo woke up and started walking like a spider with a arched back, yelping loudly he collapsed. The ride to the Vet with his moaning in my arms was terrifying; I thought this was going to be good bye. Adrenalin pumping Boo Boo rallied by the time we made it to the Vet. Boo Boo is back on prednisone for the inflammation in the discs in his back and has Tramadol it will help with his end stage pain.
Boo Boo is home and so am I, for how long, days, weeks. I have been told that anger is part of acceptance when dealing with illness and death. I have been angry for a long time about the poor breeding practices that have been the cause of every one of Boo Boo’s illnesses along with my shih tzu who passed away last year. Of course there is guilt, not rational by any means it started with the PRA, some how I must be responsible for his blindness, at least I should be able to make it better. Right now I am feeling a sense of powerlessness, dread and sadness. It is very hard to accept what I can not change. I am taking time to just stay home with him lying by me. I hate good byes. I will take Yogi and Misty to their classes tonight and DH will sit with Boo Boo. When Boo Boo moans or cry’s out both Hav’s run over and nose him to see what is wrong. Misty has taken to sleeping beside him, brave girl lying next to a blind dog.
I know this is part of the cycle, I also know how important it is to remember as our dogs age that we not see them as wizened and useless but remember that they are the same puppy that entertained us endlessly all those years ago. I dread the loss and the deep sadness that is already encroaching. So what is the big deal, my dogs are not my whole world, but when I look into the eyes of my dog I know I am his whole world, that is a heady feeling. I really dread endings and hate good bye so I hope that when the time comes Boo Boo will be ok with a simple adieu.
Robbie, Boo Boo, Yogi, and Misty's human.
Poohkey miss you, monkey.