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post #1 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 06:30 PM Thread Starter
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How does Hospis know?

My Dad was given 3mo to live about a year ago. His heart is not pumping enough blood and it is slowly pumping less and less.He is 87 years old and also has Dementia.
We went to visit him two weeks ago and noticed a huge difference enough to get Hospis back. We had them last year but he didn't need them. Any way the nurse thinks he only has about two weeks left to live.
How do you tell a loved one it is okay to let go? He is not in good shape and it is time. I was thinking of doing our power of prayer our fourm does so well but I would really like to be their and I wouldn't want it to be so powerful that I would not have time to get their. Sounds silly ha. Do you think Death is harder on the ones left ? I hope my Dad is at peace.

Maddie at 5mo old
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post #2 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 07:35 PM
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Oh Suzy, I am so sorry to read about your Dad. It sounds like he has CHF, it can be treated for many years but in the end the heart is just too tired to work. It is not a painful death and usually they just go to sleep. You are right, it is harder on the ones left behind.

I am remarried after being a widow, my late DH was very sick with heart problems the last 5 yrs of this life. Truth be told 6 months after our marriage he had a massive heart attack and was left with only 25% of function. In the last 5 yrs of his life he had many mini strokes, it affected the frontal lobe of his brain, 1 month before he died he had a massive stroke, he did not die and they though he would recover some what. He did not because the damage was happening for a two week period before it showed up on a CT scan, the right side of his brain was gone. The reason I am telling you this is because, I use to do risk management, this means I know lots of medical stuff (stuff most people need never know). When they came to talk to me about long term care or what we could do, they were very suprised and I think it took a load of the doctor. I did not take his feeding tube away or take away the oxgen, he could only have his reg. drugs that happened before the stroke, no new drugs and no increase of drugs, he just needed to be comfortable. He died of CHF 1 and a half days after being transfered to a rest home and that talk. He had a very peaceful death. He would have never woke up.

I know it is hard to say good bye and hard to be strong. It is the ones left behind who grieve, he is going on a journey, and it is not your time. He will always be with you. Hugs

Robbie, Boo Boo, Yogi, and Misty's human.
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post #3 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 08:25 PM
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Sorry to hear about your dad. My prayers are with you and your family.

Kim and Kaleb

Last edited by kimnaz; 04-14-2011 at 11:52 PM.
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post #4 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 08:41 PM
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So sorry Suzi! Bad night on the forum! Eyes are gonna be to swollen tomorrow to leave the house...Praying for peace for you and yours! XO!

Stacey, Yogi (Gerty), and Baby Boo
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post #5 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 08:43 PM
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My thoughts are with you Suzi, It's not easy for sure. Went through a bit of this with my dad too.

Dave and Molly
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post #6 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 08:50 PM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you Suzi

Annmarie
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post #7 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 08:50 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks you guys
I keep thinking he has had a few strokes lately. His speech was a bit slurred. He also has been put on seizure meds because of tremors after that he can't walk anymore. He had a MRI and we never really knew what was causing it. The shaking almost stopped but he can barley open his eyes.
It was good for me to write you guys because it is helping to prepare me. My plan is to leave tomorrow.

Maddie at 5mo old
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post #8 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 09:51 PM
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Suzi, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I can see myself in your place in the future since my dad also has dementia and COPD. He lives with us now so I feel good about being able to spend time with him even though he doesn't really know who I am.

I am praying for your dad to have a peaceful passing and that you will be able to see him before it happens.

Kathie, Abby & McGee's Mom
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post #9 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-14-2011, 11:41 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathie View Post
Suzi, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I can see myself in your place in the future since my dad also has dementia and COPD. He lives with us now so I feel good about being able to spend time with him even though he doesn't really know who I am.

I am praying for your dad to have a peaceful passing and that you will be able to see him before it happens.
Thanks Kathie,
We really wanted dad to come live here. We have a step mother who could no longer take care of him. She wanted to be near him so we found a foster care home very close to where she lives. She is with him every day. You are blessed to be able to have him near you. Dad's memory is bad but he still knows who we are.
When he first got to his new home he escaped out the front door. Had everyone really worried. The police found him 80 blocks away near the Zoo in Seattle he had only been at his new home for about three weeks we have no idea how he did that when he could barley walk a couple blocks without getting dizzy. He still had his wrist band on from the week long stay at Virginia mason Hospital so they were able to identify him . He didn't remember why or how he got their.

Maddie at 5mo old
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post #10 of 60 (permalink) Old 04-15-2011, 12:04 AM
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We have been through some of this as well with my husband's mother. She had cancer and fought it tooth and nail as it spread and spread and spread. Treatment after treatment and her quality of life seemed not-so-good from a DIL standpoint. When she finally did pass away...it was almost a relief. I know that must sound awful,but she suffered for 10 years and each year it would get worse and go to something else. Breast,glands,brain etc.I know now that she is no longer suffering and although she is missed,she is in a much better place. No one is ever gone as long as you keep the memories alive. My Dad passed away 11 years ago now and to this day....I miss him and think of him often. It isn't as "raw" as it was...but I was there till he took his last breath and I knew I had to be.....but it has been a huge struggle to get past those last 30 minutes or so. Years and years of good memories and for some reason,the last 30 minutes was implanted in my mind. Every person passes in a different way--some peaceful,some not-so much.....but whatever you do---choose what is right for you,trust your Dad knows how much you love him,and always remember the good times. Enjoy every single moment you have with him here....because those of us who have walked similar paths know how important those moments are.


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