Changes and Respect - Havanese Forum : Havanese Forums
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post #1 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 09:26 PM Thread Starter
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Changes and Respect

It seems lately there have been a few members who have not been around as much. And we ALL miss them. It got me to thinking... and this place has grown really fast. We are so lucky that we have so many great CARING members!

I want us ALL to think about how we treat each other. At times we will disagree, its going to happen! And its impossible to have rules that say "Be Nice".. how hard is it to police that? Lets try to have respect for each other.

Before you type something that you KNOW might be in a controversial thread.. or even maybe taken the wrong way.. read it back to yourself out loud. Ask yourself... if you are another person who may not agree with you, how does your remark sound? It's hard to always know someones tone and intent through the written posts. However as posters, we can try and have RESPECT for our readers. That doesn't mean putting smiley faces after saying Go Screw yourself makes it ok... hahahaha

I am not even going to beat around the bush in this example.. Lets take the thread with Kristi and the puppy she didn't keep. I did not know the history of the situation as I had been MIA. I did not even READ ALL the posts. I only went there because I was told it was getting heated. I made a post that was really meant to be a general statement and not taking up for anyone, or directing it to anyone in particular. I should have read more and asked more questions and had others feelings in mind.. before making a general statement. Bad Melissa! However, that ONE thread... with a BRAND NEW MEMBER.. drove so many apart. So we have to ask ourselves why? Why were we so adamant to take this new persons side and turn our back on own forum members who we have grown to know and love? I think SO MANY things could have been handled different.

That NEW MEMBER even asked to be deleted. Instead of begging this new member to stay, we should have had our thoughts and concern with others who have been here for a LONG time and done many things to help needy dogs and needy people! They were only worried about this dog and wanted to help.. as they have in the past! Some of those people really felt insulted and looking back I KNOW WHY!

So lets show some love for our members who are here, both new and long term and tell them we appreciate them!! Just the ones that are taking a break.. look how much they have done for others since they have been there. I'm not going to name them, don't want to risk embarrassing someone or forgetting someone. Rescuing dogs, donations, quilts... there are so many things...

So before you post something.. just ask yourself... could someone be offended by this? It doesn't mean walk on egg shells and only post some happy lovey dovey stuff. Just use COMMON SENSE! We all appreciate everyones expert advice.. just remember not to belittle others when your giving it.

AND I hope this thread doesnt offend anyone. Because that defeats the entire point! I have been guilty before.. and if I ever truely have a beef.. Im going to pm you before Ill post something. I usually am just in a hurry if I ever sound short. But I will be better.

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post #2 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 09:33 PM
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You have my vote and I love you for that post. Thank you . . . on behalf of all those people I care so much about.

<b>Just Milo and me, and . . . </b>Bailey makes three . . . until Ruby said, "hey, what about me?"
Geri, Milo, Bailey and HRH Princess Ruby Tuesday

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post #3 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 09:34 PM
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Well said!!

I for one would like to extend my apologies, if, at anytime I have said anything to offend or hurt anyones feelings. I would also like to encourage each and every person who has dropped off due to disagreements or hurt feelings to come back and give us one more chance...
post #4 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 10:11 PM
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Perfectly posted Melissa! Thank you so much saying that!
You expressed how I, and I'm guessing, so many others have been feeling recently.
No one expects us to always agree on everything, how boring would that be? But treating each other with respect isn't asking too much, for this particular group IMHO.

I'm so proud of this forum. How it's grown since I joined! I think there were 25members or so when I first joined. This is the one place where Havanese lovers of any kind can come for information, community and puppy fixes! I'm glad to leave the drama to the "other" lists!
Thanks for all your hard work Melissa (and Dawna!)


"The greatness of a nation and it's moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated"
Mahatma Gandhi
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post #5 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 10:30 PM
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I participate on several different forums.

A golf forum has these stats:
Our members have made a total of 934,505 posts
We have 47,670 registered members
Most users ever online was 10,078 on Apr 5 2008, 04:01 PM

A horse forum has these stats:
Threads: 23,462, Posts: 891,955, Members: 35,676

You might see why I hate elists so much with that many people to converse with.

Both of those forums have had everything dumped and started over several times.

This one is the tamest by far. You wouldn't believe some of the flame wars on the big forums. It's always good to reread what you are about to post before you hit the button and ask yourself if you have made an assumption and jumped to conclusion.
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post #6 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 10:43 PM
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OK, so I'm a newbie and I stayed far away from those particular heated threads, but I did finally read through them. By far, the long-er term members bent over backwards with their compliments and support of the new member and her situation. They were ONLY concerned for the puppy and what might become of it. Why the new member chose to be insulted, I cannot understand. Maybe I feel that way because I have seen some REAL flame-war threads on other boards.
I have to throw a vote of confidence behind you for this thread, Melissa. Very, very well said. I must say, I came out of lurking because I'd seen such warmth on this board. Even though I'm new, I miss those older members. They were awesome.
Please forgive me if I've overstepped myself.
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post #7 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-07-2008, 10:45 PM
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I couldn't agree more, Melissa. Another suggestion is to be willing to apologize or "kiss and make up" so to speak, when disagreements or misunderstandings happen. I can't remember which thread, but a couple of forum members were willing to do this within the last week, and a small misunderstanding was kept small because of it.

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post #8 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-08-2008, 05:52 AM
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I'm so happy you posted this Melissa and I too, want our old friends back.

Tom - interesting statistics. Here are the two other boards I belong to:

Duran Duran Message Board
Total Members: 1,631
Total Topics: 12,446
Total Posts: 160,112 Us Duranies like to talk!
Most users online was 211

Mugglenet (Harry Potter Message Board)
Total Members: 84,050
Total Topics: 12,585
Total Posts: 1,091,475 Harry Potter fans REALLY like to talk!
Most users online was 3,566

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post #9 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-08-2008, 05:54 AM
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Melissa what a wonderful wonderful thread! I dont think it could have been said any better.

Leeann, Riley, Monte & Rumor

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post #10 of 159 (permalink) Old 04-08-2008, 08:24 AM
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I agree with Melissa!!! I may have disagreements but I will keep them to myself becasue I do not like conflict at all.....just ask some of my friends. They think I am crazy at times. I hope people come back..I love this place and all the post people have!!! Hugs to all!!!!

~~Mommy"s Little Angel~~
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