I want to be a good neighbor, but.... - Havanese Forum : Havanese Forums
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post #1 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:19 PM Thread Starter
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I want to be a good neighbor, but....

I have an escalating situation that I'm not knowing how to handle, and I'm hoping some of you might be able to make some suggestions.

We love our neighborhood! We (and one other couple) are the empty nesters of the neighborhood, having been here for a gazillion years, and having raised our kids here. Little by little, young couples have moved in with the most adorable children, and I really enjoy a good relationship with all of them (even with the family of the "killer chihuahua" who was running loose for awhile...they've really made good conscientious efforts to keep their pup on leash). The kids call me "Grandma Mo", they love Molly and Billy, and we have pleasant conversations every day as we walk our dogs (or the babies!)

Our next-door neighbor, owner of the Golden Retriever Charley, has been insinuating herself into our time outside...no matter when I go out with the dogs, she immediately lets Charley out...Charley BARKS like nuts because she wants to come and play, but she's not fond of Billy, and she's gotten kind of aggressive to the little guy. There's NO WAY I'll let any dog "bully" Molly and Billy. The fence is a chain-link, and aside from putting hedges in front of the fence, they can see us whenever we go outside. Charley has even dug a hole next to one section of the fence, and she actually makes it under the fence...I keep blocking it and filling the hole...I'm worried that Charley will get hurt (OR that Molly and Billy might suddenly think, "Hmmmmm...I didn't know we could do THAT!"

The neighbor has gotten pretty condescending and pushy, even going so far as to open OUR gate and letting Charley in as I'm working on the far side of the house. (Our gates are usually locked, but if I have to go back-and-forth to the garage, I leave the gate unlocked temporarily.) I like Charley, but she's not good with small dogs. I've explained to my neighbor what my concerns are, but she continues to insinuate into the situation and tells me that Charley is good with ALL dogs. I want to keep good relations with them, I've been truthful and direct with her, but she told ME that's not acceptable, and that Charley has a "RIGHT" to be here! ??????

Sorry this is so long, but I'm really troubled by this. I always aim to be kind, but I'm also not a push-over, though I do think she's mistaking my kindness as a weakness. Anyone ever have this situation? Thanks for the ear!

Maureen and Molly

Last edited by Moko; 04-17-2008 at 08:22 PM. Reason: addition
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post #2 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:26 PM
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Oh dear, Maureen. It's a sticky situation, but you are right of course. Charley has no business going into YOUR yard unless you invite him there. The neighbor has some nerve! As to what Charley does at the fence while you're out with your two, that's tough. I'm not sure what you can say or do to avoid that, other than hide behind bushes. lol Shoot. Almost makes it no fun for you to enjoy your own space with your two dogs.

I'm not a pushover either, but I don't always know what to say in certain situations, so I'm not much help. What would be nice is if the neighbor knew how much it upsets your dogs or you and go out of her way to accommodate. Doesn't sound like that kind of neighbor though!

What does your hubby think? Or is he avoiding the whole thing?




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post #3 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:32 PM Thread Starter
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Marj--

My hub suggested thorn bushes...

He feels the same way...and he likes Charley, too. We both try to always give her a head-pat when she stands up at the fence... (Charley...not the neighbor!).

Unfortunately, "sensitive" and "cordial" are not words I'd use to describe Charley's mom. Kind of self-centered, but my perspective always is with someone like that: just don't invite them for dinner!

Maureen and Molly

Last edited by Moko; 04-17-2008 at 08:33 PM. Reason: grammar
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post #4 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:38 PM
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[quote=Moko;124577]: I've been truthful and direct with her, but she told ME that's not acceptable, and that Charley has a "RIGHT" to be here! ??????

EXCUSE ME?!?!? She thinks she has a right to put her dog on your property??? Oh boy! You're in a tough spot. Sounds like you need to not worry about being so nice and get a little more blunt - too bad if she gets mad or her feelings hurt!!!

A couple ideas come to mind:
1) Trying to turn it around - she's obviously not going to listen to any thought of her dog being the problem. What if you blamed it on your vet - that you've been having some problems with Molly and/or Billy and the vet wants you to keep the two away from other dogs.

2) Is she married? Can you talk to her husband? And let him deal with her?

3) What if your husband talks to her? (I know, I know... but if it works...)

With all of that said, we had a similar problem with an elderly widow next door. We couldn't go into our yard without her coming out to chat. Once in a while is fine, but every time??? We couldn't sit on the patio, have a private conversation, etc. After trying to talk to her we finally had a 8 ft. privacy fence put in. Her feelings were hurt and she didn't speak to us for about 1 year but it solved our problem and the hurt feelings finally blew over. She ended up liking the fence as much as we did!!!

Good Luck! That's a really tough situation to be in.

Jill - Tess & Cody's mom

Last edited by Jill in Mich; 04-17-2008 at 08:42 PM.
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post #5 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:43 PM Thread Starter
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Jill--
Thanks for the suggestions. I'm thinking the 8-foot privacy fence might have to be the way to go...

Her husband...he'd have to ask her first if we could talk. My hub talk to her? She thinks HE should have to ask for permission, too!

We actually were just talking about a line of bushy-bushes along the fence, although putting a different fence on that side might actually be a good thing. Thanks!

Maureen and Molly
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post #6 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:53 PM
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Maureen - what a difficult situation. You'll probably just need to be blunt and tell her that Charley needs to stay in his yard and gently escort him home. But the privacy fence sounds like a great idea. Maybe some pretty vines like Wisteria would brighten up the area?


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post #7 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 08:54 PM
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She sounds like a real charm!!! I thought I'd feel really closed in by a privacy fence but I've really liked it, as did all of the neighbors who share our property line. I think it improved the look of our yard. Only two bad things - we did natural wood because we liked the look but that means I have to stain it every few years which is expensive (and a rotten job!) and there isn't much breeze in the back yard during the summer.

As only another dog lover would understand.... We did have a custom gate designed so the dog could still see what was going on out on the street. We'd put a dog bed in front of the gate so Gabby could be comfortable as she'd watch everyone going by. (We'd spend our day moving Gabby and the bed in or out of the sun!)

Will bushes keep her out? (That's what we had and they weren't high enough). You could always just do the fence on that side of the house. Or maybe, just threaten to put a fence up (half jokingly of course!) ....maybe that would get thru to her!

Jill - Tess & Cody's mom
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post #8 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 09:08 PM
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Oh Dear Maureen. This is terrible. Can you lie and tell her that your small dogs shake and act miserably after they have had a play session with Charlie and that you think it would be best to keep them seperated. that your dogs are young and you are still working on training-- and that Charlie somehow upsets them. Good luck, keep us posted.




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post #9 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 09:27 PM
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This is just unbelievable!

I'm not sure what I'd do..put a fence up I suppose, but then this person would most likely find another avenue to invade your privacy..

-diane, Sophie and Gabriel's personal servant
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post #10 of 82 (permalink) Old 04-17-2008, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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I've been reading all your suggestions to my hub.

We're both thinking that a privacy fence would be good as it would provide shade during the afternoon. Our houses aren't really close together, and we do have trees in back, but that particular side of the yard is in full sun during the afternoon...it could be shade for the pups! And some privacy for us! We're gonna' look into it (though I do like the idea of wisteria...then I could be a "desperate housewife"...cool...)

I hate to trump up excuses, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures...

Maureen and Molly

Last edited by Moko; 04-17-2008 at 09:37 PM. Reason: punctuation
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