That time of year again-xmas petshop rant - Havanese Forum : Havanese Forums
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post #1 of 1 (permalink) Old 11-23-2008, 02:13 PM Thread Starter
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That time of year again-xmas petshop rant

Merry Christmas From Ye Olde Puppy Shoppe !!!

 We love our puppy customers -

They're our #1 bread and butter,

Especially right now at Christmas time

With their MasterCards all a-flutter.

Oh sure, they've heard about puppymills -

They don't live in a cave.

The tree-huggers dreamed THAT whole thing up.

They're really quite depraved!

All OUR pups came from "Local Breeders".

These signs around TELL you so;

We paint 'em up and hang 'em high

Cause we want you to know!

We don't put a price on honesty,

But this pup will cost eight hundred dollars.

You don't think that we make the big bucks

Selling fish food and martingale collars!

But back to our Christmas Greeting

And why we wish you all Good Cheer;

You see, you are $pecial folks to us

At this festive time of year.

We love you because you're lazy,

Though very well connected.

You just won't take the time to find

A breeder who's respected.

You so rarely do your homework

Santa, send us MORE trusting fellas

With no time to learn about Cataracts, hip dysplasia

Or Luxating Patellas !

Zoonotic's not a word you learned

Playing Scrabble or at school ?

Color Mutant Alopecia ? Duh !

We LOVE it, man, you're COOL !!!

Cryptorchids must be flowers from Hawaii you say ?

We will sure not tell you better.

And you don't need to know Brucellosis, my friend,

Unless, of course, you get 'er !!!

You think that CERF-ing's what cool dudes do

Somewhere out in California ?

And OFA's just another old workplace law ?

We're sure not going to warn you !

But should we stumble upon someone

Who IS savvy in any way,

We'll just start extolling the wonderful work

Of the grand ole USDA !!!

We love you cause you just don't care -

You buy it because you want it.

You can lay your cash on OUR counter, ma'am,

If you've got it, you OUGHT to flaunt it !!!

We love the things you DON'T ask !!!

It makes our job so easy.

If you saw the sights behind the scene

You'd probably get quite queasy.

You'll never see the breeding dogs

Who suffer on the wire,

Or pups that die of hyper-thermia

When their truck gets a flat tire.

We'll keep you from our back room, too,

And put a padlock on the freezer.

Those diseased tiny puppies stiff and cold

Would not be a crowd pleaser.

We hope you have a vet you like -

That pup's probably gonna need him.

Ivomec wears off in thirty days -

That's how long we've guaranteed him !!!

Who cares when you get that blue slip home

And find out that it wasn't true.

Your Local Breeder's way out in Timbuktu?

HO! HO! HO! That joke's on you !!!

So come and see us, one and all -

Join in our Christmas Cheer !

We've strung the tinsel all around.

If we could, we'd serve you beer !

We've got the carols playing

And a Santa, for good reason;

We're all scrubbed up and looking good

So you'll make our Christmas season.

As you walk away with your new pup

We'll shed a happy Christmas tear.

Don't change ONE THING about yourself-

Just DO come back next year !!!

(ching, ching)

good buddy is offline  

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