When does the "bond" occur? - Havanese Forum : Havanese Forums
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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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When does the "bond" occur?

I feel bad for asking this. We've had Luke right over a week. He's precious and we love having him here (when he's not wearing us out with the repeated trips outside every 45-60 minutes) or chewing on the coffee table or jumping up and nipping at my little girl, etc. Seriously, for the most part, he's a good little puppy. He is lovable but he's also a typical playful chewy puppy that enjoys being rambunctious.

But I kind of feel a disconnect even though he's taken mostly to me from the start. He follows me wherever I go and will sit next to me and lay at my feet when I'm doing my hair or washing my face, etc. It's cute. But I feel like he's kind of vacant...like he hasn't connected with me either. When I go to snuggle with him, his first reaction is to play bite my fingers and he always looks away like he's just "there". He does let me rub him but the bond just isn't there yet. I guess I'm recalling the dog I grew up with and how close we were. But I don't remember the early puppy stages either.

I guess I feel like we're playing with him and taking him out and tickling him, rubbing him, etc and he's become the sudden center of our lives but there's no emotional connection yet.

Will there come a bonding moment or does it just happen over time? I'm sorry if this is a silly question and I'm kind of embarrassed about asking it.

StephB

Luke
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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 06:37 PM
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I think it will come over time, you have to get used to each other. The new puppy stage is exhausting, similar to having an infant in the house. I think we tend to make it all sound so exciting and wonderful. I don't like going outside every half hour and still cleaning accidents from the carpet! Don't like having my schedule dictated either! It gets so much easier as time goes on but in the beginning it's time consuming, frustrating, and very tiring.

If he's wearing on you put him in his crate and go out! We felt bad about leaving them but they get used to it and usually sleep the entire time.

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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 07:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stephb11 View Post
I feel bad for asking this. We've had Luke right over a week. He's precious and we love having him here (when he's not wearing us out with the repeated trips outside every 45-60 minutes) or chewing on the coffee table or jumping up and nipping at my little girl, etc. Seriously, for the most part, he's a good little puppy. He is lovable but he's also a typical playful chewy puppy that enjoys being rambunctious.

But I kind of feel a disconnect even though he's taken mostly to me from the start. He follows me wherever I go and will sit next to me and lay at my feet when I'm doing my hair or washing my face, etc. It's cute. But I feel like he's kind of vacant...like he hasn't connected with me either. When I go to snuggle with him, his first reaction is to play bite my fingers and he always looks away like he's just "there". He does let me rub him but the bond just isn't there yet. I guess I'm recalling the dog I grew up with and how close we were. But I don't remember the early puppy stages either.

I guess I feel like we're playing with him and taking him out and tickling him, rubbing him, etc and he's become the sudden center of our lives but there's no emotional connection yet.

Will there come a bonding moment or does it just happen over time? I'm sorry if this is a silly question and I'm kind of embarrassed about asking it.

StephB
Your pup has bonded to you by being around you all the time.

That blank stare is probably a tired look that he needs to take a nap...Dexter does this when he is tired all the time.

Puppies nibble because he is a puppy and he is exploring to find out who you are. Praise the positive behavior like touching you lightly. Yelp for little bites and nips to get their attention and turn your head away for about 15 seconds and then turn back to him like nothing has ever happened. Most likely your pup has walked away and started playing with something else or he is still standing there.....Just play with him.

Teach your puppy how to play with his toys and praise independent playing!

Dexter was 24/7 for me..........first puppy and I am learning.....playing, going outside to have Dexter potty, teaching, feeding, exercising (running Dexter) to wear him out, or whatever........

Puppies are NOT babies! They do not snuggle or show expressions of love like people.

When your puppy jumps up next to you to sit with you, praise. Praise when your pup allows you to pet/stroke him....remember to be touching his feet and praising.

These our my opinions/suggestions.....so, don't blast me, anyone, please. Treat me gently....I really am a nice person and learning...I learn everyday on this forum!



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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 07:52 PM
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one more thing..... as I type this with one hand, I am holding a bone so Dexter can chew on it.....Havs expect you to read their minds...sometimes blank stares mean they want to play, pee/poo, go outside or whatever.....



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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 08:26 PM
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I think the real bonding where you can even begin to know what the other is thinking comes with time. Like Ann said, they are rather like babies...not a lot of reciprocal interaction yet on a deeper level. It takes time. As much as I adored Tucker right from the start, I think it took a few weeks to feel like we'd always been together and were reading each other better and were meant for each other.

Sheri, Tucker's Mom
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 08:42 PM
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the double edge bond...

When we first got our Riki, I was exhausted. I second guessed why on earth I ever got a dog in the first place because I had forgotten what a baby puppy was like. I never realized all that my mom did when we were in school. I also forgot that having a dog meant being home more...not like our cats.

It sort of reminded me of the terror I felt when my mother in law left after staying the first few weeks when I had a baby...now what do I do? There was a loss of my old life as well as the joy of the new!

I got a trainer for Riki which helped him settle down, learned some amazing tricks that I didn't know from the trainer, and he became a different boy. Now he is six, and I think about him when I am sitting in traffic or at the dentist office as something to soothe me. Both of mine follow me everywhere, sleep with me, and are the joys of my life. Riki is more independent and sleeps on the floor unless I am sleeping. Daisy is much more of a lap girl.

Wait till you take him on walks and everyone goes nuts at how cute! Yes, I agree, the first months are hard...but he doesn't shed, changes constantly, and loves to learn. Mine do the most adorable tricks and learned very fast. You will be amazed at what he can do!

Also having support from other havanese lovers helped, as did joining a local club and having other havanese friends. I met people on walks, at the dog park (which we no longer use although Riki liked it, Daisy didn't), and found I had a new lifestyle. We entered parades and trick contests...

Oh just wait, the good stuff comes and comes...but it was a commitment. Well worth it! My daughter at 12 doesn't think I am "cool" as much, but the dogs sure do!

I didn't just get havanese, I got a lifestyle!
Linda
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 09:05 PM
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That kind of bonding......like reading your Hav's mind. A few weeks, but you have to really watch them.

When you can read that they want to potty, you are doing great with the bonding!



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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 09:25 PM
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I was feeling the same way with my Hav when I first got him at 8 weeks. I had forgotten about my last dog's puppy stages and was comparing him to an adult dog. Havs are so playful and independent and so aren't as sweet and cuddly when they're puppies as a more timid breed would be. Now at 6 months my Hav is house trained and doesn't bite my fingers at all anymore and I'm absolutely in love with him. He's so sweet. You will get there with your dog. Good job also with the diligent house training. I'll pay off in a few months.
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 09:49 PM
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nothing like a cute little girl and her dog!

Adorable dog and child oohbetty!

I didn't just get havanese, I got a lifestyle!
Linda
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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 07-13-2009, 09:51 PM
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pups are really little babies and I suppose the "return" is little.
Henry and I worked so hard to please each other in the early days.
There is a big pay off , just keep being a good mommy who watches-teaches-disciplines-cares-loves.
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