Puppy buying regret... - Havanese Forum : Havanese Forums
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post #1 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 03:29 AM Thread Starter
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Puppy buying regret...

Hi all,

We received Milo yesterday from the breeder, he is 8.5 weeks old. Please donít judge me with the following, i am genuinely concerned and been thinking about this only for the last 24 hours so would like some unbiased advice from you all.

My kids are 6 and 4. Both wanted Milo when looking at photos and videos, however now he is home it is a whole new ball game. They are scared to interact with him not because he attacks in any way, but just by way of their nature. My 6 year old daughter has social anxiety and has been at school for 3 years and she doesnít speak a word around the teachers or children. Yet she is the best speller in her class and best reader (we have to send recordings of her to school).

The kids have remained on the sofa since yesterday and havenít interacted with Milo at all. Usually the little boy would play with his cars on the floor and little girl in her girly tent. His excitable nature doesnít seem to sit well with them at all. My wife has no issue with Milo and her and i woke up twice last night (weíre in the UK) at 11p and then at 1a; he then slept till 6a. Iím putting my kids first and think that if the kids continue with this kind of isolated behaviour (not interacting with Milo, not playing with their toys as they are ďscaredĒ of him, etc), i will put him up for sell to a household that can provide him more love than us; especially from children. He was £1500, yet i am not overly concerned if i donít get this back in full. I have said to my wife i will give it a month and see how the kids act and i will then sell him. My kids are my number 1 priority over any being; human or dog.

Some advice from you lovely people will be appreciated as i am currently torn between our obligation to Milo and the wellbeing of my kids (interaction, anxiety in my girl, always sitting on the sofa, etc). Hey, this may all pass but i need to prepare for the worst and obviously expect the best.

Apologies if i have offended any of you. I just didnít know where to turn.

Regards,

Kash


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post #2 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 06:51 AM
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If I were in your position, I would return Milo to his breeder. Any reputable breeder will have a return policy. I would not keep Milo for a month to see if things will work out. I don't think that would be fair to your family and it would not be fair to Milo. He is very young at 8.5 weeks to be separated from his litter and mother. Usually these pups are separated at 10 to 12 weeks. This next month is going to be very important to the development of Milo's personality as an adult dog. And although you got this dog for your children, in most cases it is up to the adults in the family to be the ones who provide for his care, for years to come. If you are having doubts right now, I think you should listen to your instincts. The longer Milo stays with you, you and your wife will come to understand the increasing challenges to caring for him as a puppy, for at least the next one or two years. He will be your responsibility and it appears you are questioning having that commitment to both your children and Milo.

It doesn't appear that this is the right time for you and your family to add the additional responsibility of a dog to your life. Perhaps sometime in the future would be better for you, sometime when your children are older and understand the whole family's responsibility and commitment to having a dog. Your children should be your primary concern at this point in their lives. In my opinion, you should return Milo to his breeder immediately.

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post #3 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 07:05 AM
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Did you sign a contract from the breeder? The breeder will usually rehome a puppy and the terms are usually in the contract. This is a better route to go than you selling a puppy.
If you feel this way after one day, I think rehoming Milo would be best. Dogs can be an excellent tool for kids with anxiety but the whole family has to be ready and wanting to 100% be committed to a dog (or any pet). It sounds like you are not. Let the breeder find a loving home for Milo. He deserves it.
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post #4 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 07:36 AM
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In addition to what I said above, I think your kids reaction to the puppy is somewhat normal for little ones. I've seen it many times in my family type neighborhood. Most times the kids get used to the puppy but sometimes not. There is a family near me where the family wanted a dog. Hubby wanted a Hav like Shadow. Wife wanted a St. Bernard/Doodle. They got the big dog. The kids say they hate the dog and are afraid of it after 2 years. It spends it's life in the crate or in the yard. Bernie has not been neutered or trained and he is friendly but very large and wild. I feel so bad for Bernie, he just wants love.

Things could go either way with Milo but you sound like you are not committed to the puppy, so a "breeder rehoming" immediately(today) is what you should do.
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post #5 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 07:53 AM
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It sounds like your children have not had a lot of exposure to dogs if they are not wanting to interact at all with the puppy. Usually kids are super excited to get a puppy and make all kinds of promises about helping to care for them. Very often the novelty wears off and it is the parent that becomes the primary caregiver of the dog with the kids being the playmates. Most children have to be taught how to properly interact with a puppy because they are over eager to constantly handle it. It doesnít seem like this puppy is a good fit for your family right now. I donít think you should keep the puppy for a month and let it socialize and become attached to you if you are feeling like you will be rehoming it. Let it attach to itís forever family for the well being of the pup. I would not get another pet until your children have shown they are not scared or indifferent about dogs. The best way to do this is to interact with family and friends that have pets they can spend some time with on a regular basis. Maybe when the children are older the time will be right or maybe a less rambunctious older pet will be a better fit for your family some day. Good luck.



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post #6 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 08:33 AM
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Hi Kash -
We are absolutely newbies and I would not begin to offer "advice", but I can tell you what we have experienced since Charley came home with us on Monday. Perhaps it will give you an idea of what may happen soon in your home too?

Charley is 11 weeks old tomorrow and is the happiest, sweetest baby. We love him to the moon and back, but he is a puppy and that comes with certain challenges that can be hard especially for children to understand. He's starting to get really mouthy and nippy and we are diligently working on it. He's not "mean", quite the contrary, - he's just an 11 wk old puppy. We're also working very diligently with our 9 yr old granddaughter, teaching HER how to play with him to avoid the mouthing directed at her. She has very active adult dogs at her home and loves to play with them. It is difficult, time consuming, and sometimes her feelings get hurt by either Charley's little sharp teeth, or by us correcting her interactions with him.

Also, he is gaining more and more confidence each day, which is a wonderful thing and we're happy to see it blossoming. But that, too, comes with challenges. He's getting into things I did not anticipate and needs my complete, undivided attention when he is out of his expen. That's not a problem, but my attention must be focused on him at all times. Your sweet children are simply not yet old enough to help take part in that role, especially if they are frightened of Milo. Charley's favorite game is a "chase the ball game". He's fast and literally all over the place! A true Havanese! The other day he unexpectedly FLEW off of the couch about 5 feet because he wanted down and we weren't acting fast enough. Yikes!

Then there's the potty training.......

I'm also wondering if this is just not the right time for a puppy in your family's life? We've found that a new puppy is very much like a new baby that grows into toddlerhood at a lightning pace. Yes, it is rewarding and fun, but it is also exhausting if your whole family is not engaged.

I wish all good things for you and your family. I trust that you will make the right decision for your family and for Milo's well-being.

Pam
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post #7 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 09:52 AM
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return as soon as possible.
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post #8 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 10:12 AM
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My worry is that they are already so nervous, what happens when he starts getting nippy? I don’t think dogs and pets are off the table, but a puppy might not be the best fit for your children right now. I think you were on the right track to provide this kind of comfort for your child with anxiety, but she’s not quite ready for it. Perhaps exposure to and interaction with a well trained therapy dog would first help her overcome some of her own fear. I would also speak to the breeder about the possibility of an adult dog down the line, rather than a puppy. An older Havanese might be a better fit in the near future, It sounds like they might need a few years for a puppy.

Also, absolutely NO judgement here.
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post #9 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 10:19 AM
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I just have to add, I really feel for you right now. This is a really hard thing to go through. Don’t give up on the idea of a Havanese for your family. It’s a matter of finding the right Havanese, of the right age, at the right time for your family. DS was terrified of dogs until he was 8 or 9. Give it time.
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post #10 of 35 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 10:32 AM
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How far away is the breeder to you and what kind of relationship do you have? You may want to consider a breeder you like enough that you would want to build a personal relationship with over time. That person might understand your circumstances and be willing to have your children visit their home periodically, and would have good insight on how to prepare them and when they might be ready.
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