Havanese Forum banner
1 - 20 of 754 Posts

·
Arf! Arf!
Joined
·
3,450 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Cutting in line

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,156 Posts
I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."
Another good one from Popi!
 

·
Arf! Arf!
Joined
·
3,450 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Move to California

I was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside me.
The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails
and moaning in fear.

"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" I asked

"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered,
there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race
riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."

"Hold on," I interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not
as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own
business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in
the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said,
"Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's
OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" I said, "During this virus scare, I'm a tail gunner on a grocery delivery truck in Los Angeles."
 

·
Arf! Arf!
Joined
·
3,450 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Bill, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows
up at the Sun City Senior Center with a breathtakingly beautiful
and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off
with her youthful appeal and outright charm while hanging over
Bills arm and listening intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner
him and ask, "Bill how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"

Bill replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife! I met her at the grocery store just last week and we started to talk about the Covid-19 virus....from a safe distance of course. She was so overwhelmed by my charm, she proposed marriage to me on the spot."

They're knocked over, but continue to ask.
"So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"

Bill says, "I lied about my age, when she asked."

His friends respond, "What do you mean? Did you tell her you were only 50?"

Bill smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90."
 

·
Arf! Arf!
Joined
·
3,450 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
DOG TWEETS

Day 7: My dogs and I switched roles and I'm the one following them around the house now.

quarantine day 15 is having a conversation with your dog about how lucky she is that she doesn't get her period

every time my dog gets up from the couch and sits away from me in a different room i am taking it VERY PERSONALLY

WORK AT HOME LOG - DAY 3: i share an office with a dog. he mostly sits at his desk and looks out the window. pretty sure i caught him sleeping. not sure what the lady in the next office does but she's loud. rumor has it she's 4 years old.

People keep asking me what the mood is like in New York. Is this a trick question? All I can speak to is the mood inside my apartment, which is: "Putting pajamas on the dog for fun."

The hardest part is when your dog slowly pieces together that you staying home disrupts the regular midday poker game he runs.

"More hugs please" - me to my pet every 1-5 minutes

Playing "my fart or yours" with the dog

Little boy passing us just now on the sidewalk at 6+ foot-distance: "I'm sorry to be rude and not pet your dog but this is safer."

My dog does not care that I am home, which is doing a lot to keep me humble in These Times

[quarantine]
Me: I'm sad.
My Dog: I'm happy!
Me: I can't go to work.
My Dog: you don't have to go to work!
Me: I'm stuck in the house all day.
My Dog: we get to be in the house all day!
Me: [sigh] hardest two weeks of my life.
My Dog: [tail wag] best two weeks of my life.

Social distancing? Tell that to my dog whose leash tangled butt sniffing with other dogs has never been such a challenge.

Quarantine Day 10: My dog looks surprisingly dapper in colonial era clothing.

It's a weird time when you take your dog for a walk and the thing you're least worried about touching is dog poop.

quarantine day 638263827472: laid on the floor so i could see from my dog's perspective and then got sad because she has to look at the underside of the coffee table all day
 

·
Arf! Arf!
Joined
·
3,450 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Popi - are you creating these joke? Thanks for all the laughs! You have some really good ones.
Thanks Jackie, no I don't create them, these are old jokes. But I do modify them to fit the current virus conundrum. The TWEETS are from real people on the Internet (some I modified to make them PG rating)

We need to keep laughing. A good laugh is better than a whole bottle of pills, or a bottle of Scotch, or even a doughnut!

Ricky's Popi
 

·
Arf! Arf!
Joined
·
3,450 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda. I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under
 

·
Metrowest, MA
Joined
·
28,427 Posts
The attached video pretty much describes me as I enter enter the 4th week of self isolation :frusty:

Ricky's Popi

What a riot! I haven't taken to talking to melons, but I've got dogs. Wait. I talk to them all the time. Is that wrong? LOL!
 
  • Like
Reactions: ShamaMama
1 - 20 of 754 Posts
Top