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· Metrowest, MA
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I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."
LOL!
 

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Discussion Starter · #23 ·
What a riot! I haven't taken to talking to melons, but I've got dogs. Wait. I talk to them all the time. Is that wrong? LOL!
This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, and told Ricky..... we laughed a lot.

Ricky's Popi
 

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Discussion Starter · #24 ·
A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money after she had been laid off at McD's during the virus shutdown, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood wearing her mask. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
 

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Discussion Starter · #28 ·
I wish this was a joke, but it's not, it's a slice of life at our house.

One of our neighbors felt sorry for us when she saw the deplorable items we were wearing for makeshift masks. She emailed me and said. "I'll sew up four proper masks for you and let you know when I'm finished."

This morning I received the email, said they were finished and she would leave them in a basket for us outside her front door. The excitement at our house was palpable - real, honest to goodness, official face masks. And then this!

Momi: I'm so excited but I need to wash my hair and put on some makeup first before we go!

Me: That's nuts, we are going to drive four blocks to her front porch and pick them up, we won't even see her.

Momi: Put on something nice and shave, it has been two days now.

Me: This is ridiculous! It is raining outside, we're going to take the car, and I'll be the only one to get out and pick up the masks from her front porch...................Hey! I think I'll put on that new shirt you gave me for my birthday! Let me shave first.

Yep, we now have four proper, beautiful face masks and since we are dressed up we have invited the Melon family over for drinks - Water, Musk, and their kids, Cantaloupe and Honeydew.

Ricky's Popi
 

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Discussion Starter · #29 ·
My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary -
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last!
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – I found my diary. It was in the wine cooler
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I put a tutu on my dog and I wore a princess crown. We had a tea party.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – I had to eat the whole bag of potato chips because I needed the clippy thing to hold my hair in place
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going Bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – I got the electric bill, the gas bill, and the water bill in the mail today. Somebody knows I'm still alive!
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals lead the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
Day 16 - I made a mask for myself today. It's a paper bag I put over my head with two eye holes.
Day 17 - My quarantine is over! I am celebrating being one day sober. I'm going to stay inside. I have decided I like living in a dump.
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 · (Edited)
HAPPY ______DAY! I have absolutely no idea what day this is! Oh wait, it's raining outside, HAPPY RAINYDAY. It's been raining here constantly for the last three days, day and night. Highly unusual! I'm not complaining, we desperately need the rain. Yippee! I just got a pop-up reminder from Ricky's groomer that we have an appointment today, so that means it is either Tuesday or Friday. If it's Tuesday, i need to put the trash out first thing before Waste Management arrives. If it's Friday, it's my daughter's birthday. Either way, I am about to get myself in BIG trouble.

Ricky's Popi
 
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